Today I climbed Y Consti. The fog was thick. The path completely still. There was a biting silence as I stood at the top. I held a heart-shaped locket filled with a tiny bit of my late husband’s ashes. I opened it and let the ashes float out over the Irish Sea. I knew it was the right place and time. From the top of the hill, I felt strong enough to let go.
Something has finally shifted for me after six years. By moving away from Vermont where my memories live and looking squarely at my own limitations, I’ve been able to finally acknowledge and understand my capacity for resilience. I had been too buried in grief to see this in myself, despite all my good fortune. But I’m different today than I was even nine months ago. I’ve climbed these Welsh hills, found strength in silence, faced myself honestly and, miraculously, new directions and paths have opened up for me. Life finally feels a little bit lighter.
Today is the anniversary of Jay’s death.
Every year I post a link on Facebook to Jay’s collection of poems in PDF form so that he can be remembered through his own words. This year the book was published. I will put a link to the collection here. Jay writes bravely and honestly about love, loss, the decline of the body and the approach of death.
Thank you for remembering Jay. xoxo
Jay Rossier, April 7, 1961-May 6, 2012